Aaron and his beloved HBO

Oh yes, my dear bloggies, the time has come.  Sorry for the delay but Aaron has simply been relatively normal and I have been up to nothing interesting.  But now I will present you with a gift that I too have been given.  Passed on from father to son for generations.  

That gift, mon amigos, is called porn -wait for it- ography, pornography. 

And not only that, Aaron has been dealt his first card in the Operation: Corruption of New Roommate.  If you go back, you will see that one of the important steps in this operation is introducing Aaron to the wonders of the internet, and now, Aaron has been caught in-her-net (haha I'm hilarious).  And that beautiful woman, well she has many different names.  Come along and you will see how this unfolded.

9:57 pm *local time*... I'm eating my Breyer's Snickers Ice Cream and watching CSI: Miami, with my door closed (key point).  After CSI is over and David Caruso gets off my damn TV, I go outside where I thought Aaron was playing NHL '09.  Only to my sweet surprise, Aaron is watching HBO 2 and the episode of choice... Real Sex 32: Some Like It Hot.  

YES!  I caught Aaron, redhanded (and redfaced) watching porn and boy was it awkward.  I could here the grunts and squeals as soon as my door opened and Aaron evidently was in a trance. I walk in and as soon as he realizes I'm in the room, QUICKLY (and I mean quickly, he should consider track) changes the channel.  His face turns a bright, stoplight red. The exact red your face turns after you have been caught jerking it.

(now I didn't actually catch him in the act, thank god, but I can only assume that the next ten minutes would have gone something like; TV? off, Xbox? off, shower? on, lotion? check, toilet paper? check, lock door? click, Mat's writing about me in his blog? CHECK!)... 

And now is a rare window into my awesome life...

This past Saturday, roughly 12:30 IN THE MORNING *local time* (so early Sunday), I'm all alone and enjoying me some girls that live together.  (I know what your thinking "Eww, gross".  Uh uh, not gross, "masturbation," as the term is frequently coined, is scientifically proven to better your health, look it up you supposedly sinless ass, like you've never done it)  All of a sudden I'm beginning to feel happier than normal and then... it happens...  THE FUCKING FIRE ALARM INTERRUPTS MY HAPPY TIME.  

So I rush to put some damn pants on, not even thinking about my hard-on poking around for air (God only gave us enough blood to run either your dick or your brain, but not both at once).  

So I run outside, 3/4 mast, without a belt, my ass sagging out and I have on my favorite Spencer's T-shirt "From Myspace... To Myplace" complete with stick figure diagrams.  I get to sit outside in the cold for 45 damn minutes while the fire department comes in and discovers *gasp* no fire? That is unheard of. A fire alarm going off and... there is no fire. That is just bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s (insert Gwen Stefani here).

Soon enough, it's 1:20 in the morning on Sunday... and time to resume happy time. (And yes, it was all still running, with the sounds and all coming out when I got back)

... Okay I hope you enjoyed that cause that was a rare moment into my life.  

Oh, so Aaron's face is beet red and I can't help but comment "Ah nice" as I see the boobies and ass fly around in 50 inches of hi-def, hot, sexual fury.  Aaron CHANGES the channel (the first sign in admitting guilt) and responds with "Haha... HBO makes me laugh."  I can't help but think why someone would laugh at porn, just laugh at anything "sex" for that matter.  

The only time you can laugh at something highly sexual is when your buddy rambles on and on about scoring last night... only to find out that "Alexa" was short for "Alexander".  

So I wash my bowl of delicious ice cream, which now rests comfortably in my belly, and begin to think "Mathew, the time has come."  I walk over, sit down next to him on the couch and say "Don't sink to the level of HBO to pleasure yourself... hold tight."  I go to my room, write down three VERY important websites (I won't name them, I don't do free advertising) on a sticky note and place it right in front of him.  Swear to Ghandi, I gave Aaron the "Holy Grail of Porn" and it was now his move.  I can only hope that this sticky note has, pardon the word use, become a little stickier.  

Summarily, Aaron set himself up for something sweeter than the most delicious candy money can buy.  I gave him the most important sticky note he has ever laid eyes upon and THAT, fellow bloggos, is the reason I will be sporting homemade earmuffs tonight in my sleep.

Until next time, this is your favorite blogger in the world.

Go Fuck Yourselves San Diego!